Blue Eyes

Family is valued
Christian Morals are played
Church is on sundays
relatives; live in town
not seperated
not parted
with miles inbetween
but I'm changing
these streets are getting thin
can't find a place to walk
can't find where I fit in
to this town I am nothing more
than a woman fighting to live
California's where I am going Pa
Going to find myself a home

Pa, you and I
we see the world in blue
captured in our sight
we have our own point of view's
I didn't mean to leave you
I didn't mean to go
but I got dreams that couldn't last
within the great lakes shores
Ich Liebe dich, Pa
But I gotta paint my own walls
have to make a name of my own

Losing it in Winter's Breath

call on me
call on me
when its convienant
spill to me
spill to me
when suddenly we're friends
look at me
look at me
when you need some lovin
but hunny
but hunny
when will we be more
when will we be more

because walks in the park
are merely just wasted efforts
snapshots of me smiling
are nothing more than
made-up candid moments
funny times
funny times
snow layered on ice
is what we are
snow layered on ice
nothing more than unstable ground
that will melt before
spring comes with it's flings
so

call on me
call on me
when it's convienant
spill to me
spill to me
when suddenly we're friends
look at me
look at me
when you need some lovin
but hunny
but hunny
when will we be more
when will we be more

Pictures @ Home

Welcome Home - There is snow! One foot of lovin'!!!

It's so good sometimes to be home, hang out with loved ones and have some fun around the tree. OH and get great Christmas cards in the mail...my favorite!

Sleigh Ride...Take me Home (country roads, to the place, I belong)

I would be lying if I said I didn't miss it
the snow I mean
It's hard to feel the Christmas joy sometimes
without the normal traditions
Grandma Becky's obnoxious lights
(electricity bills sky rocketing)
Mom putting the toy ornaments on the tree
Grandma Dee's christmas cookies
Grandpa snoring...because it's the same routine every year
snowflakes falling and implanting themselves into my outfit
snowball fights with friends
snowmobiling....and knowing Grandma Becky will always out run me
The Gathering...I walk in and everybody knows my name..it's fabulous!
The diner...(hey remember when I ate that sundae hands free? what a mess eh!)
Buddie's Nacho's....Aaron...all I am saying is when I am home I better be getting some damn nacho's and gaining 50 lbs my friend.
I missed Silver Bells in the City!
How could I ever forget my yearly tradition of watching the cata bus dressed up like a caterpillar. Or the tree lighting in front of the capital (fireworks...hmmm)
It's crazy
Also it's caramel cider time at Biggby!
that is the best season!!!
it only lasts for 5 months out of the year!

and then there is my brother
my sweet...loveable...goofball of a brother
every year he has to give me bunny ears in the family photo
every year he still opens his gifts as if he was 5 years old
he still wakes everyone up at 5 am in the morning
(he's also two years older then me)
still jumps on my bed until I wake up
.....but I still love him cause he's my older brother.
Even if it sometimes is a tad bit annoying.


I just can't wait to fly home and spend time with my loved ones.
Just 6 more days Lansing, MI. and don't worry L.A, I'll be back. ; )

Parents of the Like

barges...flickering bright
singing me to sleep
tuning into a baby's dream
saling the ocean blue
Mother holds her darling daughter
but where is her only father
flying
Paris he's bound
going to go find his precious girl
a porcelain doll
so he says
so he says
little girl wonders
stays up late
waiting
wishing on a star
that daddy isn't too far
mother holds tight
holds her hand
trying to make everything fine
stormy weather
make it hard to bare
little girl watches
as the clouds fill with hate
daddys flying in a bitter winds
what happens then
what happens then

shake it off
gotta fight the feeling
neglectful actions
make my head spinning
gotts understand
what made this right
little girl opens her eyes
finds the world in a different light
suprise
be like Puss in Boots
stand your ground
suprise
little blue eyes
suprise

starboard is green
little girl sings
port is flashing red
praying at the foot of her bed
Mother watches her earthly angel
but where is her only father
flying
today it's L.A
going to tell his precious girl
about the city on wings
so he says
so he says
little girl dances
doesn't stop
twirling
tapping on
the basement floor
gets the troubles out of her head
mother watches
gets a glimpse
of her child in ten years
long hours
many dissapointments
she's strong
going on
as the years pass by
Daddy watches from the side lines
what happens then
what happens then

I'm Gone

It was hazy
listening to your mouth move
and it was crazy
how you rationalized your actions
making it seem fine
making it seem okay
that I had to waste some years
on your indecisive mind
but now you think you got your answer
but now that you have it I am not here

I'm gone
moving on
pushing onward
touching the sun
but unlike your folly friend
I wont melt back to you again
I'm gone
moving onward
I'm gone

It was silly
thinking you could grow up
It was pathetic
dreaming of the future
making it seem great
making it seem perfect
that I could live that happily ever after
that you don't believe
and now you changed your path
and now you think it leads to me, but

I'm Gone
moving on
pushing onward
touching the sun
but unlike your folly friend
I wont melt back to you again
I'm gone
moving onward
I'm gone

Possibilities (song lyrics?)

Oh Hunny, I'm just sipping my tea
Cause today I was just such the busy bee
working late
wasting the day
just thinking of the likes of you, so
lets be lovers and get it over with
cause im sick of sitting,
waiting for the day where
we'll be together like,
sonny and cher
oh wait!
we don't want that fate
so ---
pull up a chair
look
and listen
don't give me that look
cause I'm not kidding
when these words leave my lips
that our years are so limited
to go at the pace we're keeping
so get over it
we've made some mistakes
both had loves pass us by
looked deep inside ourselves
to seek what were missing
and I think I know
just maybe have a thought
it's me

Black Havoc Friday

Once again another day that is in need of my own personal opinion other than verse or re-written to be said by a fictional character. Black friday, you tricky son of a bitch; you fooled us all this year! I have had the "honor" of working at the Disney and Hallmark store in previous years on the glorious day, watching mothers fight over the last Buzz Lightyear...watching grannies slam canes on top of the last ornament of their prized collection. Complete and utter CHAOS, but yet we still do it!!! This year I worked at Teavana...who decided black friday wasn't a worthy enough day to have discounts, so basically we pissed off a lot of people looking to get their ridiculously high priced tea for cheap. Yeah Teavana!

Honestly though, this year was horrible when it came to good discounts. I was looking in shops on my way to work and there were no lines out the door, no mass chaos of people, it seriously just looked like another weekend at the mall. Also the sales...were nothing worthy to bring a customer in. Last year I made a special trip to Victoria's secret because if you spent $70 you got a free black tote and $50 worth of beauty products, and I stock up on my favorite scent "Very Sexy" at this time of year because of all the Gift Box sets on sale. Last year my perfume, lotion and shower get set was $25 AND it came in this cute patent red pleather bag (which I still use in my bathroom to hold beauty products). This year the sale on this perfume and lotion set (no shower gel) was $45. Still it's saving me about a good $30 from the actual cost...BUT STILL! It came with one less item and it cost more, what a buzz kill. I know it's kind of pathetic and slightly "shopaholic" of me that it bothers me even in the slightest... but really lets say it, WHAT a buzz kill!

My grandmother on the other hand, doesn't ever recognize how the sales have lacked their luster as in previous years. Then because of this she was up at 4 am in the morning with all the other people, because for her it's not about the sale; it's about the adrenaline rush to have that item. I love her; really, I do, but some days I wonder. (Also did I mention she wakes up this early to get more moving dolls to fit in the empty windows of the house?) I used to have nightmares as a kid thinking all the Santa Bears she collects at Macy's from the past 30 years were going to eat me in my sleep. Yes, there are THAT many of them and they just sit on a large marigold colored couch that rubs your clothing the wrong way everytime you sit on it. I love my grandma, because my life wouldn't have been quite as interesting without her... God bless her Black Friday loving soul. ; )

Another black friday come and gone, glad I got my tea and none of my dollars got spent down the drain. ; ) til' next time-

-Katy Kettles

Thanks (for the) Giving

I wanted this blog to be strictly for my writing, but today was just so fascinating I couldn't tell it from any other form or verse but my own. My family and loved ones are two-thousand miles away from me, which made this holiday hard to think about. To take my mind off things my roommate and I decided to volunteer at a homeless shelter in Santa Monica. I used to do these kind of things all the time back home and it felt so refreshing to go back and do something so selfless. Especially when the homeless double the amount back from and it was breathtaking seeing how many people were fed, clothed and talked to. I mean I was working strictly on folding clothes, but watching all these people pick up just the bare essentials made me think about all the time I go after something I want versus what I need. I gave up the last bit of grocery money I had this week to feed people, because I don't need it. I never needed it. I was unpacking belts and was going to take them to the belt table and before I even got there 15 belts were ripped from my hands...as if the belt was going to hold up the pieces of their life together for another year. As human beings it's so easy to do something like this and then just go back to our daily lives without even questioning why we fall back to old habits so quickly. After we left, my roommate and I rented bikes and biked down the Santa Monica Shoreline, just like that we were back to our daily lives, biking out the thoughts of our days, later to return to a roof over our heads and food in the fridge. What a crazy world we live in and it just keeps spinning, no matter how special a day may seem in the calendar.

I am at a loss for words...I helped clothe, feed and make a signifigant difference instead of eating to fullfill myself, I indulged in fullfilling a need in my soul. What a world, what a world.

Life Goes On

Caring too much is what I always do wrong
falling in love with love
because it's fun for a while
much too often one breaks my stride
ripping out my wings
go back to the beginning
re-teach myself to fly
don't worry
I'll be fine
I'm a fighter, I'm a lover
In love with lifes wildest ride

Cleaning The Attic

droplets gliding down
cheek to neck
neck to breast
droplets slowly pick up their pace
hair is damp
clothes are baggy
droplets fill my eyes with God's tears
silence is golden
must look forward
droplets tell the world what I need to hear
we are broken
angels have fallen

Lovely Sins

Passionate Beginings
Urge me to sin
take off the undergarments
dance to your wind
stand strong
resist the need to pull away
and leave your side
Passionate embraces
keep me toungue-tied
unable to speak
keeping the freak in me
to be timid and weak
allowing you to take the reigns
starting the duo hurricane
Passionate endings
make this hard to break
delicate touches
have my heart to ache
leave be in the sheets
lustful thoughts
keep me complete

Winter Blues

I ache,
I strain
With freezer burns
That have yet to feel the white wonder flakes
The skin that should have faded
Still hangs onto the beaches glow'
While inside roots a winters icy night
Until I come home
Then the salt that clings to my sandy locks
Will calm with the snowy tides
Leaving only the internally trained traditions
To finally have a resolved mind

A Temporary Fix - Part One

It was a chilly outside when Julie stepped out of her car to start her morning run at the local park. A crisp breeze urged the sun-kissed leaves to welcome Julie into her sanctuary and start her run. She usually runs in this park for hours; contemplating her life, religion, and the most common thought was love. This particular morning though she ran in an old t-shirt that had once been the emblem of her being. It was a brown shirt of a Christian band, one of those shirts that turns a dirty or commonly known pop culture icon and makes it “cookie-cutter family” friendly. The shirt is now torn at the sleeves and cut in front to help Julie’s need to breathe. She always had a need to breathe; feeling confined and caged to her mind most of the time. Being bound to be what the old running shirt wanted her to be, because for example when she ran past elderly couples, they waved. It was obvious these couples waved because her shirt portrayed a life-style that was pleasing to see on a young adult in what is considered now a hell- bound world. Julie always politely waved back, even though she knew it was under false pretenses. If these couples knew what Julie really thought about on her morning runs they probably would take back those waves of pure judgment.
Julie’s shoes that she ran in were given by her mother. When Julie ran she pictured her childhood home and would take hold of an imaginary pencil. This pencil was her way of fixing what was and when this didn’t work, out came the red sharpie. One of the strongest moments that always provoked Julie’s blood to rise was a memory of when she was ten years old. It didn’t ever matter how much time had passed, Julie still remembered that night. She was sitting on her bed full of Disney splendor. Her room was like this castle, pink and full of budding femininity; she was a suburban princess. However everything pertaining to that kingdom didn’t start or end like in fairytales, just like how the ruffled bubble-gum pink canopy didn’t keep the sin-monsters from coming to her. Sometimes things just stayed bad, no matter how beautiful the scenery around her might have seemed; she felt no attachment to any of it. Little Julie sat there on her bed; just waiting, listening for the footsteps. During these thoughts as she ran, she would hasten; tightening her face and exposing the truth through her blood shot eyes. The footsteps got louder and louder reminding her of the first time she was touched, held like a man’s toy. Normally that feeling is pleasant, that is to an adult, but at ten it’s nothing more than just a violation of her childhood. This one time would keep her trapped from that ever feeling fine about her body; it would remain dirty, un-whole and un-fit for a man to love. Jolting past the dying trees, but she didn’t care as the dead leaves danced their last breath at her feet. She felt as if they were somehow linked to the red sharpie just killed and marked what was considered wrong. It made her face lighten as through the memory was now those dead leaves that are crunched by her feet. This was the phase one of her run, releasing the life experiences that could not be fixed, not even by the imaginary red sharpie she pictured in her mind.


-Parts 2 and 3 coming soon-

Shine on Love, It's your Rays Today

For so long
I was empty
leaking
spilling
agonizing
over what was me
who was this lady
what was this reality
but all in all
mirrors taint what really is
beneath my skin
running through my veins
are my words
my voice
my stories
enjoy.